Five Stars: The Communication Secrets to Get from Good to Great

Conquer the Fear That Holds You Back

Overcoming the fear of speaking up takes on greater importance for those who are not satisfied to be average. Above average performers—Fifth Star persuaders—must have the courage and confidence to take the stage and make their voices heard.

If you have a fear of public speaking, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re in good company. Many of the world’s most successful people have recently talked openly about their fear of public speaking. These include: Grey’s Anatomy creator and mega-producer Shonda Rhimes, billionaires Richard Branson and Warren Buffett, Shark Tank investor Barbara Corcoran, and performers such as Barbra Streisand and Adele.

According to Wharton Professor Adam Grant in Originals, having an original idea isn’t enough. Originals must, by definition, advocate for those ideas. But they will fail in their advocacy if they cannot overcome fear and doubt.

The good news is fear and doubt are often self-imposed. If we place these limits on ourselves, we also have the power to lift them off and lift ourselves up.

Remember, you have stage fright because you’re supposed to. We are hardwired to crave acceptance among our social groups. If our primitive ancestors were banished from the tribe, they wouldn’t have survived on their own. Today, the worst that can happen is that your pitch will fall flat, but our physiology still reacts as it did thousands of years ago.

Stage fright is as engrained in our psyche as an aversion to spiders. In 1991, psychologist Graham Davey at City University London found that about 75 percent of undergraduates were mildly or severely afraid of spiders, even if they had no negative experience or “spider trauma” to draw on. According to Davey, we are born with the fear. It’s an adaptive response that’s been hardwired in us since our species appeared.

In both cases—fear of spiders and fear of public speaking—people rarely eliminate their ‘fight or flight’ response entirely, but they learn to manage it. And how do psychotherapists recommend people manage their fear of spiders or fear of public speaking? By repeated exposure, beginning in small steps, and adding “a little stress” each time. For spiders it might mean putting pictures of spiders around the house before coming face-to-face with a real tarantula. For public-speaking, as we’ve discussed, it means rehearsing in front of others.

We can’t manage fear if we don’t face our fears. It’s how the pop singer Adele manages her stage fright. Several years ago, Adele said she preferred to play smaller or low-key venues to cope with her nerves. She gradually worked up to the courage to play London’s 20,000 seat arena in 2016. Adele is gradually exposing herself to bigger and bigger venues—from tiny spiders to the tarantula in the room. As she receives more positive feedback, her self doubt diminishes and her confidence builds. Adele says her stage fright is being replaced by “performance energy.” It’s a great phrase and a great example of reappraisal. Stage ‘fright’ provokes more fear; performance energy means a person cares about her audience.

Face the fear. It’s the only way to manage it and eventually, to conquer it. Conquer the fear and you’ll replace it with joy. You should be thrilled to share your ideas. After all, they might change the world, and that’s exceptionally exciting.